digging my escape route

I don't want to be up right now writing this. Sorry, but it's true.

If I got to have my way, I would have happily turned off Carrie Underwood's voice that wakes me up every morning so that I could sleep for another crucial hour. But God gently tugged at my heart this morning to write, and He gave me that little nudge I needed to get myself out of bed and share with you. Share what? I'm not sure, but I guess we're both about to find out at the end of this, because I have no clue. The Lord sure does though, and I'm kind of pumped to find out.
But friends, that crucial hour of sleep didn't happen this morning, and I couldn't be happier about it (never ever NEVER thought I would say that).

I've been trying a lot lately to focus on showing up, because that's one place (though there are a lot) where I fall short. If we're being honest, I don't show up at doctor's appointments, because sometimes I hide behind a wall of annoyance and a negativity. I don't always show up when I'm with people, because I hide behind a wall of strength so that I'm not vulnerable. Sometimes I even show up in the wrong place because I'm so lost. And sometimes, I simply hide behind a computer screen to try to write about how okay I am. Ironic, right? Because I can't say that I am.

BUT LET'S SHOUT FOR JOY BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE TO BE!

We don't have to be strong enough to take on every day, to have a smile on our faces every morning, and to always show up where we're supposed to be. Let's face it, I usually don't. But our God is a strong God, and He just happens to have a knack for showing up in the right place at the right time.

I'm not strong enough. I don't care how tired you get of me saying that by the end of this writing, but I'm not. But my God is, and I'm trying to learn how to hide behind Him, something that won't let me down, the way pride or compliments or sports or beauty or any other number of things will.

"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

That verse doesn't say "Be still, and know that I am God.... if you are beautiful."
That verse doesn't say "Be still, and know that I am God..... if you are athletic."
That verse doesn't say "Be still, and know that I am God..... if you've got it all together."
That verse doesn't say "Be still, and know that I am God...... if you're #1 in your class."'

God is our God in our weakness, our strength, our highs and our lows. That's kind of the beauty of it, isn't it? The fact that I don't have to be strong, because Someone Else out there is strong enough, and there are no if's, and's, or but's to it.

So I ask today that you leave with this if nothing else: He's gonna show up. It might not feel like it, but I haven't ever spoken anything more true. It's a truth I've had to chant to myself recently, but it's a truth that I've been clinging to, because it's only been a little while that I've been able to hold on to these words, simply because before, I'm not sure I believed them. I'm not sure I believed that The Lord could heal me, or provide an escape route from this, what felt like, hopeless season of life.

When I think of escape routes, I always think about those little tunnels like they used to dig in "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide", one of those old shows that I used to always watch with my brother (I don't know how familiar you are with Ned's Declassified, but get familiar.) When Ned & his friends needed to get somewhere (and when they weren't in class, which was never) and there didn't seem like any other way, they would dig these tunnels through the walls to reach where they wanted to go.

The reason I say that is because I firmly believe that The Lord is digging away at my escape route for me, and digging away at yours too, whatever it may be from. But talk to me if you don't completely believe that The Lord's going to show up. I didn't believe it recently. I didn't believe it yesterday. But today I am confident and assured, and it feels so joyful and good to know that I don't have to try to carry something so heavy around, for, I will say it again, The Lord is strong enough. And no amount of persistence, struggle, or belief will change that.

Thanks for listening to me ramble and ramble, and I pray that whatever burdens you, whether it be school-related stress, friendships, or physical pain, I pray that it be taken away by whatever means The Lord calls it to be. Let yourselves be carried by The Lord this Thursday.

-Lindsay [1 Thessalonians 5:16]

Walking on Sunshine and Grace

Hi friends.
I never really know how to start these off, or what to talk about, or how to talk about it. But today I am sure, and that pleases me. But the tricky part is how to say it, so let's see how this goes.

I just wrote a ton of words and deleted them. Because they sounded sad, sympathetic, and that's not what I live for. I live for joy. And that's why today, I'm not gonna tell you about all the things that have gone wrong this year/month/week. We all have problems, and I don't expect you to take the time of day just to read about mine.
What I want you to read about is how much I've learned through trial. About how I've learned that other people and their opinions don't matter, about how much I've been idolizing worldly things, and how much I need God, because I'm not strong enough to do life by myself, no matter my physical state. I'm constantly falling apart, and I need a rock to hold me together and to not let go. And I've learned this through a pretty large trial in life, and I could not be more thankful for it.
I've learned how much I'm loved, and how the cost of me was worth it. I've learned about joy, and how sometimes it's hidden pretty deep, but still present.
I've learned that I'm a hot mess, and it takes some awesome people to love me. And I've learned how thankful I am for them.
I've learned that I'm right where I need to be. And after searching so long to find something to put your heart into, what it feels like to be content.

So if you don't get anything out of the jumble of words that I just wrote, please stop reading with this: You aren't forgotten, and He hasn't left. You are loved. There is always something to rejoice over. And though this world is beautiful, it's not satisfying. It's alright to be broken, and it's alright to drink too much coffee.

Celebrate today, in whatever way that fits you best. We're broken and bruised, and I'm choosing to show the ways I'm blessed by writing everything that made me fall to show you how He caught me. Thanks for letting me ramble, sweet friends.

"The sky could fall, the ground could shake, the stars burn out, and seasons change, time will pass and beauty fade, but all my love will remain. -Royal Tailor