Amazing Love

To be honest, I didn't think that God would do anything to me this past week. 
I didn't think I had a large problem in life, I didn't think that I was broken, and I didn't really think that I had anything worth fixing. I didn't think that God would care enough to change me, and I didn't think He had the strength to knock down the walls that I have unknowingly created over time. The walls between the two of us. 

Isn't it funny how wrong God can prove us?

This past week (June 27-July3) I got to experience Jesus and grace and community and love in Virginia, at a Young Life camp called Rockbridge. I expected to be caught up in the games and the blob and the zipline; I think that everyone did. But we got caught up in God, and we found ourselves longing for more of Him even after club was over and we laid down on those tiny little beds in our oddly named cabins. I don't really know about everyone, but it surprised me. 

I've always put The Lord on my chore list. I made it a chore everyday to pray, I made it a chore everyday to read through the loveliest love story ever written. I dragged myself out of bed everyday and to God's feet, and as long as I'm being honest, I gave Him the best stank face I could muster. 

And oh how He grinned down at me. Oh how He gently wrestled with my heart while I sat on the steps of the club room at this haven of a camp, and oh how He tugged my heart out of my grasp and into His own. And oh, how I wept when He did. Oh how I allowed myself to be genuinely vulnerable for the first time in years, how I let myself be weak and let Him be strong for me. And oh friends, how good it felt. 

I think that I've done a pretty good job with putting on a front, considering the fact that I wasn't really knowledgeable of the fact that I had one. I worked so hard to make sure that everyone thought that I had it all together. My love language is words of affirmation, and I tried to give people something to praise. My perspective was that I didn't need to please God. The only words of affirmation I could receive from Him were in the Bible, and anyone can read that. 

"He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less." -C.S. Lewis 

Aren't those beautiful words?

One of the main discoveries that I made was God's personal and intimate love for me. How He knew all of my quirks, imperfections, freckles, and actions. Not because He feels that He has some sort of obligation to protect me and be my conscience, but because He has a love for me so incredible, sending His Son to die for me was only an expression of His love. An expression. I can't handle and comprehend His love, and I think He realizes that. He continues to fill me so that I can love other people, and love Him. He puts so much effort into our relationship, and this week I've learned that a relationship isn't one-sided.

My prayer is that I continue to be overwhelmed by my sheer brokenness, and then be overjoyed by His wholeness. Overwhelmed that He is enough for me, and my aching heart makes my Lord content.

I'm thankful for His love, His joy, and the way that His mind thinks. That I am enough, and that I am His, and only His.

I'm praying for you and Your relationship with God, whether it has been freshly created, or it has some age to it. I'm praying for me, and that "I don't forget what happened at camp."

These are a few writing/songs/quotes that are close to my heart and express me and my growing love for The Lord. Thank you to all of you guys that have the desire to read the words that The Lord writes through me, and to those of you that have asked where my blog has been. You guys love me so well, and I'm grateful! (heart eyes emoji)

Amazing love how can it be 
That you my God would die for me 
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound 
I come and lay my burdens down 

Amazing sight no longer blind 
You touched my eyes new hope I find 
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound 
I come and lay my burdens down 

Amazing joy I happy shout 
You took my dark and cast it out 
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound 
I come and lay my burdens down 

Amazing life forget the grave 
Jesus has died my soul to save 
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound 
I come and lay my burdens down 

Amazing help no more alone 
New family new heavenly home 
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound 
I come and lay my burdens down 

Amazing love how can it be 
That you my God would die for me 
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound 
I come and lay my burdens down