My mouth fell open a little more each time I saw the light. The light that fell through the trees so gracefully, the light that I saw in my friends, and the way my church radiated light this morning. At the end of the day, my jaw is happily resting at my feet.
I've thought a lot about grace lately. I'm not trying to preach to you. Just trying to share what's been on my heart lately.
I've realized how fragile grace is. But yet, how strong it has to be. How the grace that Jesus gave us through his beautiful wooden cross was so fragile, but so strong as it kept him up there, gasping for breath, yelling my name. Grace and so many other things are what kept him up on that torture device. His passion for us, His hope that we would be able to live in love, pursued by His grace. All because of a cross.
My friend Abby that I met at Rockbridge (a Young Life camp) sent me a letter. And on the mouth of the envelope, she had written "He shouted love". It wasn't beautiful simply because of her incredible handwriting, it was beautiful because it was real. It wasn't a bitterly sweet worship song that I hear on some Christian station too often. Some of the songs, though soft, pretty, and graceful, don't seem real to me. But these words did. I saw Jesus' cry through those words, I saw his pain. I saw his beautiful mouth, opened so wide, as He asked God for mercy on that dreary and beautiful day that the most selfless thing was ever done. I saw him. So joyfully reaching for me.
But isn't that what he did? Shout love? Shout love as he saw the potential of our life? Shout love as he saw us transform, from seeing us yelling "crucify him! Crucify him!" to watching us getting on our knees, tears in our eyes, singing so the most beautiful praise? Seeing us able to finally see his light, and not only enjoying it, but longing for it?
That's where I've been lately. Longing for love, trying my hand at grace. Looking for little things and for big things, trying to find new ways to love old friends and old, worn, and lovely ways to love new friends. I've tried to notice the way people treat me. I've tried to notice my moms body as she pulls me in for hugs that I don't get tired of, I've tried to watch the way my boyfriend rubs my back during painful times and holds my hand when there's too much joy to contain by yourself. I've watched my best friends folded hands rest on the worn tables of coffee shops as we pray for each other. I've tried to watch my dads feet as he comes home from work each day, so that we can have adventures with a carefree mind. I've tried to watch my teachers as they grade and grade and grade, so that when I get thrown into the world, I can land on my butt and stand up and do pretty darn good. I've been noticing and observing and loving it.
Here's to longing for love. Here's for landing on your butt and looking down, only to see God's feet as He waits for you to let Him pick you up. Here's to community, because who knows where I would be without it and it's variations of love. Here's to Young Life and the best moments ever. And here's to grace, because Lord knows we need a lot of it.
Thanks for loving me.
-Lin
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