A good Father

Before I start with this, I just want to admit that I don't know where this is going. Jesus tugged at my heart at a random time and faintly whispered, "let me write." 

Let's do this thang, Jesus. 

I haven't really felt a purpose lately.

God has let me fall, fall, fall, but He hasn't let me land on my face (hallelujah). But this morning, I was thinking about how I would rather be dusting myself off from that nasty tumble than sitting here right now. Just sitting. Just chilling. 

Just. Sitting. 

But The Lord (at another random time) said nope, this isn't how we're gonna do this one. WE. Him and me, me and Him. He said "I'm not gonna let you sit here. You have a purpose. But you have to let me show you." 

It sounds so simple. He tells me to sit back and relax, while He does the dirty work for me so that I'm comfortable and joyful. But it's been so hard for me. It's been hard to physically sit back (stupid back) and it's hard to let the most incredible love I know do something for me. To realize that this relationship between God and me isn't one-sided: He gets to serve me too. How freaking cool is that? 

I've been obsessed with this song that we sang at a Young Life camp a few weeks ago. It's called "Good Good Father": 

Oh well I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like

But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night

You tell me that you're pleased with me and that I'm never alone 

You're a good good Father

It's who You are

It's who You are

And I'm l o v e d by you

Thank you Jesus for being proud of me. Thank you for showing me that I am enough, even when I chant to myself that I'm nowhere close. Thanks for smiling at the chance of being able to catch me when I mess things up. Thanks for the grace that I get to see at my locker at school and in quiet moments in the car and in peaceful quiet times when the world isn't quite awake just yet. Thanks for holding me close, stroking my hand, and whispering how I'm your Beloved, no matter what. I don't warm myself with your love enough, Jesus. But man is it great. 

I've been focusing on the pain I feel instead of focusing on joy. And joy is such a better perspective. 

If you want prayers, text or DM or Facebook or call or whatever you want to reach me, whether it's for a test or for grace or for a friend or for you. Or if you just want to talk, I'd love that too. We're in this together, friends, and we weren't meant to do life alone. I'm here. 

Here's to letting myself be pulled from this chair and from this back brace into something beautiful. Here's to standing up and doing, to loving and living. Lord, you're such a good Father. Thanks for chasing me. 

-Lin