an October nights prayer

I opened my blue book and it turned to a chapter called Space. I was pretty close to continuing on my way and flipping through this marvelous book until I found something that's applicable to what's actually going on in my life right now. But God planted His feet firmly and let me soak in words: words of peace and growth; words that said it was okay to sit. It's okay to do all the things that I said made me restless in my last blog. It's okay to create and find yourself and not be productive for a little while. It's okay. 

Father, don't leave me. Don't leave me when my life is filled with physical pain and mental restlessness. Give me contentness in the space that you have given me to expand and to learn and to rest, let me love it, every minute of it. Let me stop pushing away the gift that you gave me, let me stop trying to pay what I owe. Father thank you for showing me that I can't do it, I can't pay back something so enormous. Let me except what you've given me: life and freedom and joy. Give me a new perspective of You: one that lets me see You as not a lover of rules, but as a lover of me. Thank you for being my Beloved, and thank you for loving me so crazily and genuinely. I don't know how You do it, but man do I want to learn. Help me love, help me love You. Because I don't know how to love flawed people on my own, so I don't have a clue how to love my perfect Father in the way that He deserves. Lord, take away my desire to please people and help me fix my eyes on Y O U. 

Friends, I'm learning and loving that life is more than 7 hours of school followed by hours of homework and a perfect nights sleep. Life is abundant and full and meant for messy love that's so genuine it doesn't even make sense. 

And I'm so thankful that I get to learn about it. Thank you Father, for giving me more. You're crazy and you're awesome and I love you so much.

God bless you friends, because half of these words probably don't make much sense. But I hope that you get my point, the point that we get to find in this life. The day I start writing perfectly will be the day I have my crap together, and I'm pretty sure that won't be happening. I'm a mess. But I'm so loved and so thankful for it. 

Thanks for hanging on. -Lin